doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
