Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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