I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
