ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
