You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship