found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
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you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.