i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.