I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.