We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
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I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
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Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere