I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
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