I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
