I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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