At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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