Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
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