I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
