Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
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