; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
