you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
