That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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