I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
