a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
