sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize