So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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