my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
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In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
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my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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