She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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