he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
