"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
