sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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