I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Randomize
