i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
