She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
birth control should be required to get into college
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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