I skipped work to stalk him.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
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