Small penises have feelings too.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
