i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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