After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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