she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
