This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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