Pants 0. Shit 1.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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