Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
