I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
