The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
