when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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