dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
