Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
