Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
