His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
