Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
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No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
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