i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
