I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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