This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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