dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
The feeling are messing with the penis
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
