Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
