i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
