He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Randomize
