haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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