omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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