so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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