Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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