Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
