hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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