Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Randomize
