the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
