yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I am spending my child support on dildos
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
