what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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