This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
