I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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